Coaching For RESULTS!

Sunday, 16 March 2014

Making The Right Connection

Convention has it that we are more connected than ever through the social media that has proliferated as a result of the internet. We text, email, tweet, “Like” our Facebook friends and share our thoughts and pictures with a worldwide audience. We invite “strangers” into our virtual social circle. We confide our innermost secrets to avatars we’ve never met. We create our profile on dating sites to attract potential suitors or suckers. We can connect to those that are like-minded or site-blinded. We have instant rapport with those who purport to champion our causes, represent our interests or regurgitate our rhetoric. Whatever support we need in our struggle to express our convictions, there is someone online who shares our vision.

We enjoy infinite connectivity through social media, but I strongly disagree that we are better connected. Our limitless connectivity has greatly diminished the quality of our relationships. The value of an embrace has been usurped by the melancholy loneliness of a video clip that touches our heart, but little else. And therein lies the irony of our modern-day connectivity! We are lonelier than ever as we’ve become more isolated from the people we need to love!

We need to re-connect with the people that matter!

The value of connection is not founded in the number of connections we can make, but the quality of the connections that we MUST make! Our personal success is dependent on its connections. And that starts from the inside and expands on outwards. The renaissance of our persona starts with the re-birth of our relationship with those who are of fundamental importance; our spouse or “significant other”, our children, our family, our friend and our close relations. These are the people who directly impact the quality of our life! We need to re-connect with each and every member of our “inner circle” and reposition ourselves in perfect alignment with those we care about the most!

Next are the connections that are important to our daily existence. These are the people that influence our everyday lives. We need to re-connect with our employers, our bankers, our suppliers, our clergy, our teachers, our coaches, our mentors and our trusted advisers.

As our social circle widens and expands, we must establish connections that recognize the quality of each relationship from a perspective of gratitude and respect. Our interactions are craving for some modicum of reality. Yet we spend a good portion of our time hiding behind “user names”. How will we ever expect to create a Persona that is representative of who we want to be, when we live in anonymity and virtual reality, all compliments of our online existence!

Where is our identity?

Do we still own it?

Our persona must be able to project our identity. Others will define who we are, but they must do so on our terms! The profile of our persona will dictate these terms. We have to create a persona that does not leave interpretation to chance. The persona we project will be substantive. It cannot be whimsical or shrouded in obscurity. The ultimate value of our connections will be intrinsic and not capricious.

Oh, by the way! I do have a Twitter account, I am on Facebook and I do understand their significance and contributions. Connectivity is a great thing!

Just don’t confuse it for a personal connection!

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The Evolution Of Creationism

I never understood the ideological conflict of Evolution vs. Creationism.

Intellectually, philosophically and spiritually, I conform to the notion that, if there is a Creator, it stands to reason that He created life and the heavens. Whether it all started with the “Big Bang” (can somebody please come up with a more creative title?), or whether God did it according to the Scriptures, the “blueprint” for the Universe and everything contained therein was not a random act of spontaneous combustion.

Everything in the Universe, from Einstein’s Theory of Relativity to the Quantum Theory is infinitely detailed and miraculously designed to perform its unique functions. From the largest celestial object to the tiniest subatomic matter, the divinity of the Creator is hard to dispute.

But the very existence of life also depends on evolution. Everything in life must grow, multiply and adapt in order to survive. A single fertilized cell evolves into a complete organism. A species adjusts to a new habitation or an environmental change. The ability for human beings to evolve physically and intellectually has allowed it to survive and prosper in the face of incredible odds.

While the concept of evolution may cause theological discomfort to some, the essence of life is an evolutionary process. “Nothing ever stays the same” is an evidentiary rule of the Universe. Next to death and taxes, it’s the third absolute certainty in life.

I believe that everything in nature was intended to be evolutionary. To think otherwise makes absolutely no sense at an intellectual level. It is therefore important to apply both the principles of creation and evolution. Our persona must be able to create the leadership abilities that will allow us to be adaptable to evolve into a leader who can take charge and is in control of his or her life. We are all capable of developing the type of leadership that allows us to succeed at anything we want to achieve and create a passion for life.

In essence, we need to re-create ourselves.

It is the re-creation of us as a leader. Many of us have been conditioned to become followers. In fact, all of us have been followers at one time or another. Being able to transition into an effective and motivated follower is an essential pre-requisite for any leader. We cannot be leaders in everything. There are situations where we need to defer our command to someone who is more skilled or capable of assuming the leadership role. But that simply means that we recognize the effectiveness and efficiency of following someone who is eminently more qualified to lead.

The question is whether the act of following someone more qualified is in fact a surrender of our natural leadership ability or an astute decision to forego ego in favor of efficiency. More importantly, are we really subjugating our leadership qualities or only our leadership role? If we understand the fundamental leadership qualities that are inherent in all of us, than it really does not matter by whose definition we lead or follow. What is important is that our persona depicts the leader in all of us!

Two important qualities that must be enshrined in all of us are reliability and loyalty. These two qualities are essential for us to function as true leaders. In order for us to accomplish our goals and achieve our objectives, we need to further develop and enhanced these characteristics.

Developing True Leadership is the achievement of a lifetime!

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The Secret Is In The Handshake

Pssst, are you ready to discover the “secret” of a true leader?

Generations have known about this secret, yet it’s only revealed to those who are anointed as leaders. followers shall not be privy to its encrypted messages. Leaders draw their power from this secret. They articulate it in their speech, they embed it in their voice, they manipulate it with their eyes, they carry it in their deportment and they express it in their writings! Leaders recognize the symbolism and sacred signs of this secret in everything they encounter.

These signs are everywhere! They hear it in a voice, recognize it in a speech, identify it in a lyric, observe it in a picture, see it in someone’s eyes or find evidence in someone’s body language. Knowledge of this secret gives leaders immense powers. With it, they can acquire the ability to negotiate from strength. Through it, they can interact with complete confidence. They develop the ability to act decisively. They gain the confidence to take on formidable challenges. It brings the courage to engage in a debate. It empowers them to take charge and be in control of their life.

They discover the power to lead. They find their divine destiny to succeed and achieve! Applying this secret carries with it the responsibility to only use its powers for the greater good and with the utmost humility. Abuse its powers and suffer the consequences of a ego gone rogue! Deny its moral authenticity and suffer the wrath of spiritual bankruptcy! Squander its purpose and suffer the ultimate pain known to man: failure!

So what is the secret of true leadership?

The secret’s in the handshake!

Now, before you conclude that this secret is somehow linked to some Masonic rite or ritual, I can alleviate your anxiety. It is not! While part of the secret maybe in the handshake, it’s only a very small part. The complete secret of true leadership can be summed up in one word: “Communication”!

Every type of human interaction can be reduced to a single common denominator: “Communication”! Every time we lock eyes with someone, we communicate. When we bump into someone at a busy cross walk, we communicate. When we walk down the aisle of an airplane on our way to the lavatory, we communicate. When you deliver a speech or teach at a seminar, you communicate. When you write an article or a book, you communicate. When you hug your child, you communicate. When someone physically strikes out, they communicates. When we pray to God, we communicate.

Every time we convey anything to anyone, we communicate. We may send a message or a sign. We may wink or blink. We may laugh or frown. We deliver a memo or a compliment. We may provide a gentle touch or flash a sudden smile. We may deliver a bouquet of flowers or present a bill for payment. They are all types of communication.

We can communicate in an aggressive or passive manner. Our communication can be assertive or submissive. We can convey our sympathy or our hostility. We can express our love or our hate. The right communication can make a relationship. The wrong communication can break it! The ability to communicate is more important than all the technical or computer skills you bring to the job. Most job applications list “communication skills” as a top priority.

We only have one way to present ourselves to anyone and that is through our communication with that person. We convey who we are through our oratory skills and our body language. If either one of those communication methods fails to deliver our message, we risk being misinterpreted or misunderstood. This results in a misdiagnosis of our identity. “Who we are” is determined by our ability to communicate.

We cannot define ourselves. Only others can. But we can control the way in which we are perceived and subsequently characterized. And the way we are perceived depends entirely on the way we communicate.

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The Delicate Art Of Navel Gazing

I’ve been married four times to the same woman and I’m about to marry her three more times before I get it right!

This is not an insanity plea! I am not listed in the Guinness Book of World Records and my name won’t pop up when you Google for “the biggest loser”! Nevertheless it’s true…… if you believe in reincarnation!

According to a fortune teller in whom my ex-wife invested $25, she (the “ex” that is, not the fortune teller!) and I have exchanged nuptials a total of four times, including the most recent failed attempt that lasted almost 23 years. Fortunately for my emotional health and the welfare of my bank account, this wedding ceremony only happens once per (my) lifetime! The other three marriages to my “ex” occurred in different places and at different times, each one ending tragically or violently but (obviously) not permanently!

“So why three more times?” you may ask! Well, I certainly wondered about that. Was it that I hadn’t suffered enough? I realize the potential of glory and salvation in martyrdom, but being married to the same woman four times seems a bit obsessive! Was this her opportunity to seek final revenge for my trysts of years gone by or perhaps for condemning her to the guillotine during the French Revolution?

Whatever the reason, my relationships of the past must have been dismal failures!

In all fairness, my “ex” did not attach much importance to the gypsy and her tarot cards. Tea leaf readers and crystal ball gazers are annual entertainment at the State Fair, and it was all in good fun! But it does raise an interesting point about who we are!

The notion that someone is able to read our fortunes or see our future is nothing new. And while we may scoff at the credentials of Madame Dolores behind her velvet curtain, thousands of people read their syndicated horoscope every day. Although we dismiss fortune tellers as fraudsters, we elevate psychics to a level of adulation and reverence. Sandra Browne is one of the top clairvoyants in the nation and counsels to some of the most sophisticated and influential people of our time. Her books are consistently on the best-seller lists and are a constant reminder of our insatiable appetite for predictions and prognoses. Jean Dixon rose to immense fame with her “vision” of President John F. Kennedy’s assassination. And more recently the “Law of Attraction” has been documented by Jerry and Esther Hicks, as they “channel” a spiritual entity named Abraham. And now the “Secret” is out!

So what is your birth date? Do you know the astrological sign under which you were born? Were you born in the Year of the Rat or the Tiger? How does your name equate in “numerology”? What do you believe in?

From divining the Future by observing the entrails of sacrificed animals to the Oracle of Delphi, ancient history is rich with references to the foretelling of events and the predictions of our fortunes. And throughout the ages and well into modern times, our fascination with the spiritual world has never waned.

It seems that we’re always looking to find answers and get clarity on two fundamental questions:

I. Who am I?

II. Why am I here?

Any combination of tea leaves, any oracle, any psychic reading and any horoscope will have elements of how we wish to be perceived and characterized. We can take solace in the knowledge that any psychic prediction that is somewhat congruent with our self-image, will be welcomed and accepted as a validation of our self-perception. In reality, you will never need to extrapolate your future from a deck of tarot cards or on-line horoscope. Your destiny will not be determined by the celestial alignment of the stars on the day you were born. The direction of your future will depend on the connections you make with those who will ultimately help shape your destiny.

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The Essence Of Our Infinity

I believe in a God.

I believe that my personal transformation over these last few years is a direct result of my spiritual re-connection with God. How our connection with God is established is a matter of faith and personal beliefs. The importance here is that the connection exists and is reciprocal. It is not just about hearing the word of God, it’s how we respond to it that matters. Do we answer His call? Do we follow the example of those who purport to speak for Him? Or do we lead by His example? Are we mere sheep, following a shepherd? Or are we all shepherds entrusted with the welfare of those who are dependent on us; our children and our family?

In this Age of Perceived Identity, there are many who are interested in their spirituality, regardless of faith or denomination. If personal growth is the deepening of our relationship with ourselves, then spiritual growth is the deepening of our relationship with God. There is a personal and spiritual aspect to our life and we don’t want either one to atrophy; we want both to grow.

If personal growth is the process of evolving our human potential, then spiritual growth is the process of evolving our consciousness. As we seek the deeper meaning and intention of the experiences we encounter in life, we grow from these manifestations at a spiritual level.

Where personal growth improves the quality of our life, spirituality improves the quality of our Universe. Personal growth teaches us the lessons we need to learn about ourselves to become a better person. Spiritual growth teaches us the lessons we need to learn about ourselves to become a greater person. Personal growth allows us to sever the umbilical connection with our Past. Spiritual growth allows us to secure a deeper connection with our Creator.

Personal growth is meeting the challenges of our world with confidence and zeal. Spiritual growth is accepting the challenges of our world with humility and deference. Personal growth develops our ego. Spiritual growth develops our faith. Personal growth is about the attitude of a Leader. Spiritual growth is about the gratitude of a Leader.

Personal growth is about finding ourselves. Spiritual growth is about finding God! Our spirituality enables us to connect with others in ways that our ego is incapable of. When we seek spiritual growth we seek a different outcome from the one we create for personal growth. Yet personal growth and spiritual growth are not mutually exclusive, nor are they at opposite ends of the spectrum. In fact, we need both to bring balance and harmony to our lives. And while they develop us in different ways, their growth – while independent from each other – creates an interdependence within us that makes us whole as human beings.

I personally consider spiritual growth the essence of our need to become enlightened. Our spiritual connectivity transcends all physical borders and boundaries. Our spirit is a part of the timeless and infinite Universe and as such, our spirit is timeless and infinite. Our relevance on earth is defined by the contributions we make during our physical stay on this planet. Our Spiritual Growth prepares us for our spiritual enlightenment as a timeless and infinite part of the Universe!

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Living Healthy Ever After

“How are you?”

We casually ask that question numerous times per day. Every time we meet and greet someone, we want to know how they are. Well, at least we pretend to! After all, it is the polite thing to ask.

The answer to the question reveals more about the person’s attitude than the well-being of that individual. The response is usually congruent with the impression we created about this person, or if we just met someone for the first time, it builds the framework for the image we’re about to create.

A positive and cheerful response bodes well for a first impression. A negative or gloomy answer will put a big question mark behind the person’s character.

We have two options when we respond to “How are you?” Positively or negatively! People who are Leaders and who are successful tend to be positive in their outlook on life. They will usually respond in the affirmative. People who are Followers often have a more negative perspective and will answer accordingly. The perception you may want to create will be fatally flawed if you belong to the latter category!

Nobody feels “great” every moment of every day and we are all guilty of faking it on occasion. But if we don’t pursue a lifestyle that promotes health and fitness, we will not be able to authenticate the perception we want to display. A Leader pursues a regime of personal health and fitness that fosters a lifetime of personal excellence.

A Leader pursues a regime of personal health and fitness that fosters a lifetime of personal excellence. Great Leaders are worth their weight in gold, but only metaphorically speaking! Bigger is not better, if it’s measured around the waist. It is therefore imperative that we create a new regime that will allow us to live healthily ever after!

There is no better example of a “disconnect” between your desire to lose weight and an attitude that is content with maintaining the status quo. If you stocked your kitchen and that kitchen was full of yummy goodies, pastries, chocolate bars, fatty foods and high calorie drinks, shouldn’t you clean out your kitchen before you went on a diet?

Health & fitness are two great gifts we often take for granted. Their value is priceless, yet their cost is a bargain when compared to the alternative.

Weight loss is a billion dollar industry and it will remain that way because it has a revolving clientele. And while some diets are very radical or outright dangerous, the majority of mainstream weight loss programs follows a simple philosophy: Putting less in your body will put less on your body!

If you want to change your physique, you must first change your perception of how you want to look and feel!

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Introducing Ourselves To Ourselves

Up to this point, the convention of perception has been to project an image of ourselves onto others, so that they can define us and create a characterization about us that will enable them to relate to us or interact with us. If the characterization is positive, the quality of the interaction will reflect that. If the characterization is negative, the lack of interaction will speak volumes! The closer our persona matches theirs, the better our relationship. Personal or professional.

Creating Personal Growth deviates from the principle of outward projection and focuses instead on inward perspective. We are going to introduce ourselves to ourselves. There are three basic stages to this process:

1. Self-evaluation.

If we could have an out-of-body experience and see the persona we project onto others, as if we were a third party, what would that perception look like? Remember that this is a snapshot of how we project ourselves. Chances are that this is not the picture of who we want to be or how we would like to be perceived. This is a cold, hard and unfiltered look at the person we see in the mirror through the unbiased eyes of a third party.

Here are some of the questions we might find on our self-evaluation “score sheet”:

a. How do we see ourselves?

b. If we could be objective about who we are, what would we like about ourselves?

c. What would we dislike?

d. What would we change?

e. What could we change?

This introspective evaluation is essential in establishing the “here and now” of our self-perception. If we are perfectly candid with ourselves, we will have recognized and identified a number of areas in which we have achieved some level of personal success and a measure of personal satisfaction. We will also expect to find a host of issues that are preventing the achievement of our goals and objectives.

Now we have two options. One is to create a list of “keep characteristics” and “discard characteristics” and add a third list of “replace characteristics”. Or to put it in another way, we keep what we like about ourselves, get rid of the things we don’t like about us and replace that last category with items we want to include in our Persona Profile. It is an archaic and convoluted way to creating change that contributes little to our personal growth. We’re not really growing; we’re just amending the formula and composition of our present self. Instead, we need to create a new self-perception!

2. Source-evaluation. The second stage in furthering our Personal Growth is examining the influences behind each of our perceived characteristics. What were the key influences of our Past, both positive and negative and what influences will inspire us in the Future? WE must replace the old perceptions we created in the past and clear the canvas for a new perception that will internalize the goals and objectives we are committed to achieve in the Future.

3. Success-evaluation. The final stage in developing Personal Growth is in determining your outcome. Who do you intend to become? What persona will you grow into? This is the precursor to the development of your new perception. The one that reflects your personal values, your inherent personality traits and your unique gifts. The symbiotic interaction between your God-given talents and your born Leadership abilities. Your success-evaluation will become the cornerstone for renewed Personal Growth!

So what the essential elements of creating Personal Growth? Do we have a direction we want to grow into? Do we have a clear vision of our Future? A Future that we believe is best for us. The goals we want to achieve personally? Do we have a profile template of the person who would be successful in achieving our personal goals? Is that person a genuine reflection of our personality? Can we be that person? How can we become that person?

And the most important determination in the development of our persona is if we truly want to become that person! Is that the persona we elect to lead us as we continue to grow? Will our new persona recognize our weaknesses and turn them into strengths, or will it hide behind them? Will it strike a balance in our life or will it perpetuate a deep-rooted internal conflict? Is this truly our gateway to Personal Growth and success?

A thorough understanding of ourselves will help us to find, follow or expand our path to the Future. An awareness and acceptance of any potential conflict between our inherent personality traits and our overall objectives will help us expand our Personal Growth.

Carl Jung (1875 – 1961), the German philosopher and psychologist was the founder of “Analytical Psychology”. He identified a process of personal growth that he called individuation, which is essentially the process through which a person becomes his/her “true” self. While the process of individualization is flawed in the sense that our “true self” is not defined by us, but rather by others who define us based on their perception of us, it is an essential component in the development of our Personal Growth, where the objective is for us to introduce ourselves to ourselves, rather than being defined by others.

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