Let Silence Be a Coach's Ally

Silence can be deafening!

There are only two reasons for being silent during a conversation:
1 - A person has nothing to say, in which case there really is no conversation going on, or
2 - The person has something to say, but is not saying it!

We all have experienced these moments of ‘awkward silence’. It often happens when there is disagreement on an issue and the silent party stops articulating its point of view. And when that happens, the other person starts to panic. Nature abhors a vacuum, so we feel compelled to break the silence!  

We start to speak!

When we speak to break the silence, we are filling a void. And we fill that void without the benefit of well thought-out, meaningful and properly articulated dialogue. When we panic to fill the silence, we usually fill it with drivel!

Why do we feel so awkward during an extended period of silence? Why do we feel so compelled to fill the void? Why do we blink first?

Simple!

It is the “fear of the unknown”! We don’t know what is on the other person’s mind, if he/she doesn’t speak it! And that uncertainty is often intimidating and unnerving. And when silence is combined with body language, it can be downright scary! The proverbial calm before the storm!

When you break the silence or when you blink first, you are often at a disadvantage. Great salespeople have honed the technique of the “silent close” to a fine art. Silence is control!

There will be times when silence is your hidden coaching ally. It allows your clients to reveal their deepest fears or hidden desires. Let them carefully formulate their thoughts before communicating them. Then give yourself the opportunity to respond in a timely fashion! Don’t use the typical coaching jargon to frame your responses. Don’t use metaphors that confuse the clients, rather than clarify their position. Wait for the moment that will have your client fully engaged in your coaching call. The subtle anxiety you create with your silence. Don’t blurt out a response, unless it is laser-targeted on the result your client is looking for! Then when your client is at a state of heightened attention, you introduce a solution of a new path forward. It’s what an effective coach does.

Let silence be an ally and not a distraction. Of all the things that could be said during a coaching call, the words that aren’t spoken are often the most powerful! They will always be understood, but they will never come back to haunt you! 

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© Allan N. Mulholland

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Allan N. Mulholland is the founder and president of PersonaCoach (Int'l) LLC, which provides training and certification for life & business coaches. He is the author of “Change Your Perception, Change Yourself!” and writes on all aspects of coaching training and development.

To get Allan’s free Book “Clients Don’t Pay for Coaching. They Pay for RESULTS!” go to www.resultscoachmastery.com (Available January 14th, 2016)

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