Friday, 28 March 2014

The Essence of Unconditional Love



We often try to change our partner into someone we envision would be more suitable to us. Someone more loving or compassionate. Someone with greater career aspirations.  Someone with drive and energy.  Someone who is more positive and upbeat.  The list goes on and on!

Unfortunately, people can’t change their inherent character traits, their personality quirks, their gifts and their talents. If they try to modify any of these elements, they will experience internal conflict which will eventually spill over into their personal and/or professional life.  Trying to change someone’s inherent character traits is therefore an exercise in futility.  We may achieve behavioral modifications that are the result of suppressed emotions or means of expression, but we will be unsuccessful in creating a new ‘persona’ that is incongruent with a person’s authentic self.  If you try to change your partner and try to mold him or her into someone else, you will indeed re-define the meaning of insanity.  You’ll wake up every morning hoping for a different outcome in your relationship with your partner. 

But that will never happen!  It can’t!  It’s the way in which your partner is wired.  It’s the way he or she was created!  If we want to accept our partner for who they are, then accept that person unconditionally.  And that is the first step to “unconditional love”.  

But if you cannot accept a person unconditionally, because that person’s inherent character traits are in conflict with yours, you must “divorce” yourself from that relationship and move on!  

It’s not a loss!  You can’t lose someone who was never truly yours!


© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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Sunday, 16 March 2014

Create A Success Journal

When you have conquered a goal or challenge that once seemed impossible, you feel on top of the world, and with that comes an enormous sense of pride and satisfaction. But that’s not all. Success is energizing and a huge self-confidence booster, as you realize what you are really capable of! So achievement breeds more achievement.
For each goal you achieve, view it as the first step into a much bigger venture—it’s the end of one journey and the beginning of many more. And one great way to stay connected with your success is to RECORD it.
Invest in a journal and keep it near your desk or bed. Every evening, before you go to sleep, write down at least three things that you achieved that day. If you find this a little daunting at first, remember this can be anything from big to small. My entries often includes both. Perhaps you delivered an inspiring speech. Maybe you helped your coaching client achieve a ‘breakthrough’! Or perhaps you weeded your garden or changed your diet. The crucial thing is to get started.
You can write your journal entries at any time of the day, but if you do it as I do—last thing at night—you’ll drift off to sleep with a positive mindset. And you’ll be surprised how often you’ll wake up with solutions to problems you had not considered the day before!  Many of my quotes and divine inspirations are the result of waking up with a clear and focused mind!
The value of doing this every day is that it will not only increase your self-confidence, but it will motivate you to do more. Try it and you’ll see—I promise.
I also love opening up my success journal when something is not going well. If I become discouraged over a project that isn’t coming together the way it should, or when I’m agonizing over a mistake that I made, I open my journal to help remind myself how much I have accomplished already.
Let your achievements become a part of you!
The act of writing down your successes daily—especially at night before you go to bed—fixes them in your memory. You begin to internalize your achievements. Your journal will continually and actively remind you that you are an achiever. This will keep your momentum going and help create more success in your life.
So don’t wait any longer—go out today and buy a journal! Start writing down those achievements tonight. Your first item could be taking action on this article!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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What Is A Coaching EXPERT?

I’m often asked how a Coaching EXPERT is defined and how one becomes an EXPERT Coach.
Here’s how I define a Coaching EXPERT:
•             A Coaching EXPERT is someone who has a special expertise in the field of life coaching as opposed to someone who has expertise in the field of child rearing, horse training, wedding planning, etc.
•             A Coaching EXPERT can create life altering and permanent changes for their clients.
•             A Coaching EXPERT can identify the problem that a client wants to solve.
•             A Coaching EXPERT can help a client achieve a specific goal.
•             A Coaching EXPERT does not need to start from scratch when solving a problem.
•             A Coaching EXPERT sees the client’s problem or goal differently from traditional coaches.
•             A Coaching EXPERT does not need to have a background in the area that the client seeks coaching for.
•             A Coaching EXPERT needs strength, energy and motivation to help a client achieve a desired result.
•             A Coaching EXPERT is disciplined and focused.
•             A Coaching EXPERT thinks critically and will not shy away from challenging conventional beliefs.
•             A Coaching EXPERT never stops learning.
•             A Coaching EXPERT sees the big picture, not just the picture that the client sees!
•             A Coaching EXPERT solves problems and doesn’t just listen to them.
•             A Coaching EXPERT is an expert in the art of coaching!
These are not just qualities that a Coaching EXPERT must possess! They are the essential elements of a successful and profitable coaching practice.  If you want to hang out your shingle as a professional Life or Business Coach, your services must be structured around these key points!
Traditional coaches often invoke the perception of achievement when guiding their clients by ‘listening, empathizing, asking questions, inspiring and motivating’.  Sometimes, the client feels better . . . for a while!  But when the ‘warm milk and cookies’ that traditional coaches feed their client to feel ‘warm & fuzzy’ wears off, these clients simply revert back to their old ways of doing things!  Traditional life coaches seldom create lasting results.
As a Coaching EXPERT, you must set the goals and parameters for your clients.  And the only way you can do that is to lead by example!
  • You must be able to see the goal that your client is trying to achieve, before the client sees it!
  • You must be able to articulate the objective better than your client can!
  • You must set the parameters so that the client sees a clear path a desired outcome!
And while the client is always the V.I.P. passenger, you are the captain of the coaching ship that sails your clients to their destination – their Desired Outcome!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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Contact PersonaCoach at info@personacoach.com

The Future Of Traditional Coaching

I have a dire prediction for the future of our life & business coaching industry!
There is one fundamental law of economics that applies to virtually every sector of business, including the coaching industry. And that is the ‘Law of Supply & Demand’. The coaching ‘marketplace’ – in other words your future clientele – is looking more and more for life & business coaches that are different from the traditional coaches of the past decade!  Today’s coaching clients have a clear and unmistakable message for coaches: They don’t need more traditional coaches, and they definitely don’t need the limited skill sets these traditional coaches possess. Yet existing coaching academies and those that provide coaching training simply aren’t listening! Coaching schools that are currently certifying coaches must either adapt to this coaching evolution or face becoming irrelevant. Yet I see very few coaching institutes making significant changes to their training programs.
Life and business coaching has become one of the fastest growing service industries in the world, second only to information technology! It is now a 2 billion dollar industry.
The demand for life & business coaching is steadily growing and this demand will only increase over time. But the quality of coaching to meet that demand is eroding at an even faster pace, creating a huge imbalance between the EXPERT coaching services that today’s clients are demanding and the obsolete coaching techniques that traditional coaches were taught.
If you’re not a life or business coach EXPERT with the EXPERT coaching skills to meet today’s demanding and discerning clients, you’ll soon be out of work!  Today’s demand is for the EXPERT coaches of tomorrow– not the traditional coaches of yesterday!
When I look at the way in which coaches advertise their coaching services on their websites and how they offer solutions to client problems, I usually come across claims that include:
  • more fulfillment
  • more clarity
  • more attraction
  • more focus
  • better results
  • more accountability
  • more balance
  • more ‘beingness’
And the list goes on and on
But when you’re dealing with one of today’s new breed of coaching clients, their first question will be: “How are you going to do that? Don’t give me the fluff and typical coach’s jargon! Don’t give me the fuzzy metaphors! Don’t give me a bunch of mumbo-jumbo that I can’t relate to!”
Most coaches have 2 universal needs:
  1. They need more clients
  2. They need to make more money
Yet there are lots of clients that are willing to pay a premium coaching fee. But they want to hire coaches that can produce a desired outcome. They want to achieve the desired results that only coaching EXPERTS can deliver!
So the choice is simple.  You can stick to the traditional coaching format and become extinct, or you can embrace a new coaching ideology and position yourself as EXPERT life or business coach and start charging EXPERT Coaching Fees!
And that choice is yours!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:
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A True Coach Is Both A Leader And A Servant

My personal passion for coaching is without bounds. It was the natural outflow of my intense desire to help others and to contribute to the wellbeing of my fellow man. And therein lies the first contradiction about leadership that ultimately led to the creation of my new perception about the role of a leader.
“The true Leader is both charged and entrusted with the welfare of his followers”. ~Allan N. Mulholland
It struck me that this definition applies equally to the role of a coach. A true coach is both charged with facilitating the achievement of a Desired Outcome and entrusted with the successful realization of the client’s goal or objective. A true coach is therefore someone who is both a leader and a servant. A true coach leads his clients to a Desired Outcome, while at the same time serving his clients in their quest to achieve their Desired Outcome.
And that is how I perceive the leadership role of a true coach!

A Coaching EXPERT!

© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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Pull Back Your Business From The Brink Of Bankruptcy

Many small and medium business owners are facing challenges today that are brought about by a radically different economic climate from what they were used to. Predictable business models from the past are no longer delivering the desired results. Interim financing, that was once a life-blood transfusion for many businesses, is in scarce supply. Operating budgets are under constant attack. Profitability has been yanked from the business equation that once defined corporate America. Survival is the operative word for many struggling business owners.
It is therefore no surprise that business bankruptcies are reaching epic proportions. More and more struggling entrepreneurs are turning to business coaches and consultant for their guidance to navigate these turbulent economic waters. But these are also uncharted economic waters and many business coaches and consultants are applying outdated fundamentals to resolve current business challenges! Today’s business owner can no longer rely on graphs, flow charts and endless analyses of what once was a solid business plan. The goalposts have been moved! It is no longer “business as usual” in our corporate world! The modern entrepreneur needs a new “playbook”. Many small and medium businesses that were once considered the engine behind our nation’s economy are in critical condition and require radical surgery. Conventional business models are not producing the desired results and the prospect of a Chapter 11 is looming in the background for many intrepid entrepreneurs!
If your business is in trouble and facing a potential bankruptcy, you must break down the problems facing your business and isolate the issues that are challenging its prosperity. These challenges can be broken down into three distinct categories:
1.  Change your Leadership style - If your business is not successful, it is likely governed by a leadership model that is emotionally bankrupt, creatively stagnant and functionally obsolete. Yet, that is the same model you continue to rely on when trying to achieve success.
2.  Choose a different direction for the Future - Combining the “Business Equity of the Past” with a new vision for the Future will enable you to steer your company in a direction that will pull you back from the brink of bankruptcy and you’ll be able to chart a new course to prosperity.
3.  Create new business philosophy - You will develop a new philosophy that will be in line with today’s economic model and will seek out new and innovative opportunities to take advantage of this new economy.
Anyone who is facing similar challenges in business can also achieve success by applying these fundamental principles.
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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Contributing To Your Legacy

We are all born as Leaders!
The genetic blueprint for Leadership is in our DNA! But many of us are conditioned to become Followers. This conditioning comes from the people who influence us, the environment that surrounds us and the events that shape us. Leaders are perceived to be risk takers and for many, risk equates to the possibility of failure. And failure is the ultimate pain known to man. Once we surrender to failure, we abandon hope. When we abandon hope, we abandon faith! When we abandon faith, we abandon God!
We are conditioned to “play it safe” and to avoid the risk of failure. We are conditioned to seek security in our job, our relationship, our faith and our community. And we condition those we love to seek that same security.
“Don’t take chances, play it safe!”
This conditioning starts with our parents. Instead of raising us as Leaders, they “secure” our Future by raising us as Followers. The only way to protect a Leader is to make him a Follower. Follow protocol, follow tradition, follow in your dad’s footsteps, and follow your mother’s choice in men! There is safety in numbers and Followers outnumber Leaders by a huge margin. Our parents simply follow the advice of their parents and so the conditioning perpetuates, generation after generation! The right job guarantees stability and security. The right partner guarantees a successful relationship. The right faith guarantees a connection with God. Or so it seems!
Unfortunately, there are no guarantees in life!
The right job might fall victim to a recession or become obsolete. The right partner may abandon you for the wrong partner. The right faith may be the wrong faith for you!
Everything in life happens for a reason! Everything in the Universe serves a greater purpose. Everything that lives exists for its contribution to the Greater Good. From the simplest organism to the most complicated life form. Minute plankton is food for the majestic whale. The immense rainforest of the Amazon creates oxygen for our planet. Our death creates an opportunity for our survivors.
We are all born as Leaders. That is no coincidence. That is not a superfluous genetic trait. We are born as Leaders because we MUST act as Leaders! We MUST work and inspire as Leaders! We MUST build our relationships as Leaders! We MUST take charge and be in control of our lives as Leaders! We MUST contribute as Leaders!
That is our purpose!
You must give re-birth to the Leader inside you that has been dormant all this time! You don’t have to create the Leader inside you. It is already there and has been there all along. But you must create a new persona that will deliver this Leader and give it life. To give your inborn Leader life, you must give it purpose.
To give your Leader purpose, it MUST contribute!
A collective conscience for a Brave New World!
We all contribute at some level because we all have a purpose. Everything in the Universe has a purpose and we are no exception! But as humans, we have a unique quality that no other known life form has!
We have a conscience! We can differentiate between right and wrong. We can choose between good and evil. And therefore, our contribution can be positive or negative. Either way we contribute. But we determine the social value of our contribution. We determine the quality of our legacy!
Our persona determines the quality of our legacy! And in doing so, our persona will determine the quality of our life!
The quality of our relationship is determined by the quality of our persona. The level of satisfaction with our job or career is determined by our persona. The success of our business depends on who we are. The cure for an addiction is guided by our persona. We can’t change our weight, if we don’t change who we are first!
We choose governments and political Leaders to deal with our socio/economic challenges and to find solutions and opportunities for our national benefit. They take stewardship over our nation and set a course for the political agenda they’re mandated to pursue. Often our choices are flawed, producing mediocre results and disappointing outcomes. But they are our choices, and as such they are a reflection of ourselves.
I believe that the Age of Identity will demand more from governments as elected Leaders and more from us as selected Leaders. If we can elect politicians based on their persona, we can certainly select ourselves as Leaders based on our persona profile.
We can change the world by shifting the paradigm of contribution away from servitude and toward individual Leadership. If we all take charge and are in control of our lives, we will create a collective conscience for a brave new world. A new order of leadership!
It is a lofty but highly attainable ideal and it starts with us!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE?
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PersonaCoach™ teaches Life & Business Coaches from around the world how to be EXPERTS at what they do and charge EXPERT FEES for what they do. Get your FREE eBook “Become a Coaching EXPERT and Charge EXPERT Coaching Fees” at http://www.personacoach.com
Contact PersonaCoach at info@personacoach.com