HACHU!!!
My ex-wife used to sneeze a lot when we first met. We were both in that dizzy “I’m in love” phase that glorifies the physical attraction when two kindred souls first meet. It was a signal that the moment was right for some passionate intimacy.
I often laughed at her sudden outbursts of uncontrollable and involuntary expulsions through the nasal passages. In true wonderment, I would ask her if this was raw lust or an allergic aberration. And while I was selfishly motivated to induce these sneezing spells as often as possible, I couldn’t help but wonder whether this “mood enhancer” was a permanent lust barometer or a passing passion phase.
As my relationship with her matured, I developed more discerning tastes for what went into my body and what was splashed onto my body. One of the casualties of this refinement was my dependency on “Old Spice” aftershave, a habit pasted on to me by my father. Switching to “Dolce & Gabbana” miraculously cured my ex-wife of her affliction and, alas, our conjugal exploits waned significantly.
Perhaps it was an allergy after all!
While this romantic musing may, or may not have been indicative of an allergic reaction, there is no doubt that we all develop strong aversions to certain people or events, especially if those people or events represent situations or occurrences that have had a major negative impact on our lives. And this past exposure can cause a profound negative reaction to some future, and totally unrelated event.
You may have developed an emotional allergy to new relationships.
If you are constantly self-sabotaging any attempt at forging a new relationship, it’s time to deal with this allergy! Here are five steps to neutralize the allergic symptoms
1. Identify the allergens
Take a hard look at the feelings that are causing your negative reactions to your new found relationship. What are the emotional fears that prevent you from getting involved? Is it a lack of trust? A deep-rooted lack of self-esteem? A fear of making a commitment? A lack of desire? You must become fully aware of these negative feelings in order to go to Step 2.
2. Isolate the allergens
Once you’ve identified the negative emotions that are stopping you in your tracks, it is important to isolate them. In order to do that, take a piece of foolscap and draw a quadrant. In the top left-hand square, write down the negative emotions in their simplest terms. In the top right-hand square, write a brief description on how these emotions affect you in a real and substantive sense.
Move to the lower left-hand quarter and write down all the positive emotions you are experiencing from this new relationship. Just jot them down in point form! This is not the time to analyze these emotions! Even if you’re not experiencing too many positive emotions in the moment, but feel that you could or would like to experience them, just write them down! The more positive feelings you can link to this new relationship, the more you’ll have to work with!
In the last remaining square, describe the feelings that you would experience as a result of these new positive emotions. This is the time to be verbose and creative. Put effort into your descriptions and allow the feelings and passions to surface with the painter’s palette of your words!
3. Negatives “be-gone” and Positives “behold”.
Look at your quadrant! These are your choices! Now fold your paper along the horizontal axis. The top half represents your negative options. The bottom half delineate the positive possibilities. Which half is more densely populated? If the top half of the page is more representative of your feelings toward this new relationship, this could truly be an allergic reaction and there may be good reasons to remove yourself from the allergen
But if the bottom half is where you have the most entries, you are ready to swallow your medication and boldly run out to that meadow they call life!
So if you’re ready to make your move, go to Step 4.
4. Eliminate the allergens
Actions speak louder than words. You’ve already written down the plusses and minuses. My guess is that you’re ready to move forward! If so, eliminate the allergens! Tear your paper in half along the horizontal axis and crumple up the top half! Now throw it in the waste basket, where it belongs. For some of you this may feel a bit “over-the-top”, but it is an important symbolic gesture. And you won’t suffer from any drowsy side effects!
5. Aria Fresca – Fresh Air
The Italians use this term to describe not just the air quality they’re breathing, but also the symbolic “cleansing” of a situation. By eliminating the toxicity of the past, you are removing the allergens that make you react in a negative way to future relationships that may lead to a life full of passion and joy!
Gesundheit!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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