As the words imply, the act of becoming Suddenly Single is often a spontaneous event that is the result of an unexpected and unplanned circumstance, such as a separation, divorce or the death of a spouse. The very fact that it is “sudden” can leave you in a state of overwhelm. Your life is out of balance and your emotions are out of control.
You’re drawn into this whirlpool of grief, anxiety, anger, despair and possibly even depression. The enormity of the situation can leave you emotionally paralyzed and physically incapacitated.
While this period of emotional turmoil is a necessary part in putting closure to the past and a building a stronger foundation for your future, the ramifications of prolonged periods of emotional discourse can have serious and detrimental effects on your future life and relationships.
I recently coached a widow who had been “suddenly single” for over sixteen years. When her husband passed away sixteen years ago, her life was over. Emotionally, she died there with him. Even though we only communicated on the phone, the tone of her voice spoke volumes. Her tone inflections were demure, her speech patterns were stilted and focus on the present was constantly interrupted by her relapses from the past.
Her emotional demons were literally sucking the life out of her, like an unrelenting vampire draining his victim of her last ounce of blood. Paradoxically, she had learned to function in a world teeming with life and vibrancy. And while she was surrounded by people who lived for the future, she resigned herself to being cloistered in her purgatory.
While she was once an unwilling victim of circumstance, for the past sixteen years she remained “suddenly single” as a martyr to her cause. Not only did she find solace in her perpetual pain, she willingly embraced the notion that her suffering was somehow a tribute to her eternal love for her husband.
When we discussed all this during our “Let’s Get Acquainted” session, I realized that this women had been tormented by guilt for not living her life’s blueprint from start to finish. In order to move forward, we would need to create a new blueprint that would honor her previous beliefs and principles, including the memory of her late husband, yet at the same time acknowledge that a transition to a new lifestyle was not only possible, but highly desirable. We created a new blueprint that would carry her into the future and a new set of values that were not incongruent with those of her past, yet allowed her to accept new and exciting possibilities that would give her the drive and energy to reconnect with the living.
When the aftermath of becoming suddenly single deteriorates into a sustained period of self destructive behavior, it’s time to take drastic action!
Remember that being Suddenly Single has no permanence. It will only continue to feed on your emotions if you let it. It can only sustain life, if you give it life!
You must have the will, desire and fortitude to slay this dragon. If not, it will devour you!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
WANT TO USE THIS ARTICLE IN YOUR EZINE OR WEB SITE?
You can, as long as you include this complete blurb with it:
“PersonaCoach™ teaches Life & Business Coaches from around the world how to be EXPERTS at what they do and charge EXPERT FEES for what they do. Get your FREE eBook “Become a Coaching EXPERT and Charge EXPERT Coaching Fees” at http://www.personacoach.com
Contact PersonaCoach at info@personacoach.com
No comments:
Post a Comment