“Being Suddenly Single has no permanence!
It is a temporary state, a moment in time.
It is the purgatory of lost relationships
That exists between the past and the future”
A “Suddenly Single” is someone who becomes single through circumstances beyond their control. In other words, it is not the result of a deliberate act or decision, but rather the result of an event over which they had little or no control.
When the driver of a moving vehicle bails out or suffers a fatal heart attack, the vehicle will crash and the passenger will suffer injuries! The crash was not anticipated and most often the passenger has little or no time to react. While the seatbelt may reduce or eliminate any physical injuries, the resulting trauma will last a long time and can be extremely painful.
The experience of becoming Suddenly Single is very similar to that of a car crash! No warning, no time to prepare and no chance to react! All of a sudden, your partner is gone! Permanently! And although your “injuries” are often below the surface and out-of-sight, they are no less traumatic and can have a long and debilitating effect on your life, your family, your work and your future!
For many Suddenly Singles, these are the symptoms of the “relationship” crash. But the analogy with the car crash ends when we consider the treatment of the “crash victim”.
The victim of a car crash is rushed to hospital for treatment and observation. They are attended to by qualified doctors and given professional care by trained nurses. Their condition is diagnosed and their treatment is administered or prescribed. Our society takes care of them!
Unfortunately, the Suddenly Single is left to his or her own devices. No professional diagnosis, no quality care, no treatment and no rehabilitation program! And if that’s not bad enough, many Suddenly Singles find themselves ostracized by the rest of society. There is no glory in being suddenly single. It is not glamorous, not sexy and not attractive! And when I compare my personal experiences with others who are “suddenly single”, I realize that we are virtual outcasts. We are emotionally still in a “relationship”, but we are “branded” as single. Yet there really is no label that truly identified us as belonging to one or the other! We do not fit into either category. We may be single by definition, but we certainly are not ready to embrace the “single scene”.
Emotionally, we are not ready to start dating! We still live with the “baggage” from the previous relationship. And most of all, we haven’t taken the time to reevaluate who we are and what we truly want out of life or expect from a new partners. It’s lonely! Suddenly Lonely!
In my coaching practice, I classify these victims as fragmented souls who exist from day to day without clarity of vision, without a solid foundation, without a well defined purpose. Suddenly Singles cannot relate to those who are in a committed relationship, nor can they relate to those who chose to be single. They simply drift in an enigma.
I call it “The Purgatory of Lost Relationships”.
Only when you create a new perceived Identity will the doors of your purgatory swing open and you will once again be ready to embrace a new and fulfilling future!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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