The Essence of Unconditional Love

We often try to change our partner into someone we envision would be more suitable to us. Someone more loving or compassionate. Someone with greater career aspirations.  Someone with drive and energy.  Someone who is more positive and upbeat.  The list goes on and on!

Unfortunately, people can’t change their inherent character traits, their personality quirks, their gifts and their talents. If they try to modify any of these elements, they will experience internal conflict which will eventually spill over into their personal and/or professional life.  Trying to change someone’s inherent character traits is therefore an exercise in futility.  We may achieve behavioral modifications that are the result of suppressed emotions or means of expression, but we will be unsuccessful in creating a new ‘persona’ that is incongruent with a person’s authentic self.  If you try to change your partner and try to mold him or her into someone else, you will indeed re-define the meaning of insanity.  You’ll wake up every morning hoping for a different outcome in your relationship with your partner. 

But that will never happen!  It can’t!  It’s the way in which your partner is wired.  It’s the way he or she was created!  If we want to accept our partner for who they are, then accept that person unconditionally.  And that is the first step to “unconditional love”.  

But if you cannot accept a person unconditionally, because that person’s inherent character traits are in conflict with yours, you must “divorce” yourself from that relationship and move on!  

It’s not a loss!  You can’t lose someone who was never truly yours!

© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC

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