We often try to change
our partner into someone we envision would be more suitable to us. Someone more
loving or compassionate. Someone with greater career aspirations. Someone with drive and energy. Someone who is more positive and upbeat. The list goes on and on!
Unfortunately, people can’t
change their inherent character traits, their personality quirks, their gifts
and their talents. If they try to modify any of these elements, they will
experience internal conflict which will eventually spill over into their
personal and/or professional life.
Trying to change someone’s inherent character traits is therefore an
exercise in futility. We may achieve
behavioral modifications that are the result of suppressed emotions or means of
expression, but we will be unsuccessful in creating a new ‘persona’ that is
incongruent with a person’s authentic self.
If you try to change your partner and try to mold him or her into
someone else, you will indeed re-define the meaning of insanity. You’ll wake up every morning hoping for a
different outcome in your relationship with your partner.
But that will never
happen! It can’t! It’s the way in which your partner is
wired. It’s the way he or she was
created! If we want to accept our
partner for who they are, then accept that person unconditionally. And that is the first step to “unconditional
love”.
But if you cannot
accept a person unconditionally, because that person’s inherent character
traits are in conflict with yours, you must “divorce” yourself from that
relationship and move on!
It’s not a loss! You can’t lose someone who was never truly
yours!
© 2014 Allan N. Mulholland, CPC
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